Before I really tear this one apart in another installment of a Things I Fear Movie Review about Cabin Fever 2, I want to start by saying that this was, without a single doubt in my mind, the absolute worst movie I have ever seen. Ever. Bar none including this one. I know that I’ve made the claim that other movies are awful and should never been seen, but this one completely trumps anything. It’s even the second best cabin-related movie on this website. Here’s why:
From the very first scene, it was clear that this was going to be something special. A kid gets hit by a bus and the cop lets the driver off with a warning. There was no explanation as to how or why this was happening. It just happened. The cop then realizes he’s probably made a mistake with that one, so he elects to do absolutely nothing about it. Suddenly, the movie turns into a cartoon. This animated film explains how a water treatment facility doesn’t operate. It basically implies that anything can get into our water because there are no precautions whatsoever to prevent disaster. Which is exactly what happened to this small town.
A fight breaks out in biology class and the janitor looks like he’s about to go postal. Seriously. If this wasn’t a movie about a flesh-eating virus, I would have thought it was about a psychotic janitor looking for revenge. They do a horrible job with his character. Suddenly, a girl is introducing her mouth to a young man’s genitalia in the washroom stall. Then the cop is eating pancakes. Then a man dies in the restaurant. Then there is a montage of a Prom that is currently in progress. The sequences of events are completely illogical and irrelevant to the actual story line. I understand they have some significance, but they don’t need to happen the way they do. Not to mention, the acting along the way is just abysmal. This is where things go downhill in a hurry.
The cop realizes something is definitely going on. So he consults the wisdom of one of the members of LMFAO who currently works as a security guard at the water treatment plant. Great. Then he dies. Then we’re back at the high school where a jock is seducing a very large girl. The janitor urinates in the fruit punch and the girl is attacked by a shark in the pool. At least it looks that way. The entire pool becomes filled with blood and her stallion is sucked into the mess.
It’s at this point that I want to point out how completely inaccurate this is. I saw the first movie. The disease takes days to develop. In this movie, it takes a matter of minutes. Well, for some people. For others, it takes an entire trip to Mexico. It doesn’t make any sense at all.
Okay, flash-forward to the Prom itself. Everyone starts projectile vomiting on each other and the SWAT team breaks into the school while still locking down the school at the same time. Seriously. They chain all the doors shut yet they still walk right in. It doesn’t make any sense.
The Prom is stolen right out of the movie Carrie. Suddenly everyone is covered in blood, desperately trying to escape the gym while utter chaos ensues. It’s pathetic on so many levels. The Prom scene is so disgusting. I had to look away. It’s just revolting. They clearly went for the shock appeal but it back-fired completely. It’s just putrid. Unnecessary is an understatement. And, once again, it doesn’t make any logical sense. The events that transpire are so random.
So this SWAT team is walking around the school shooting people. I’m assuming they are a SWAT team, anyway. They have guns and aren’t saying a whole lot. Maybe this movie was just about a terrorist attack…Who knows. The script, the acting, the lighting, the sound, everything was awful. It was just one fail after another. I can’t believe I sat through this garbage. I was counting down the minutes for it to be over.
Lastly, the school is huge. It has everything you could ever want and more. It was the most massive building but was occupied by less than 300 students. I won’t question that. A guy cuts his arm off, another guy gets murdered for no reason, the scene with the penis made me throw up a little bit, Taylor Swift shoots a nail gun, and the gang of mystery men do something to the main character in the forest. Yes, that all happened.
In conclusion, do NOT watch this movie. Ever. Ever ever ever ever ever. Don’t. It was created entirely as a joke. I hope. I really do. If someone actually put time and effort into this movie, I really feel sorry for them. Not because I just destroyed their finished product, but because that was the single worst piece of garbage I have ever witnessed in my life.
Ever notice how the longest posts are about the worst topics? Well that’s why the Cabin Fever 2 Movie Review is the longest on the site. Go figure. Want to add more to the content? Let us know your thoughts on Facebook where opinions go to die.
