I’m doing this review while watching the movie. So if you have any intention of seeing this movie, ignore everything I’m writing because I will be giving a vague play-by-play of the events instead of a standard review. I’m going to leave out some details to allow a little bit of mystery, but I’m essentially ruining the movie for everyone. I have nothing but high hopes for what’s about to come of this Things I Fear Movie Review for Hard Candy.
This movie has an absolutely brilliant concept as the world of cyber creepers has rapidly evolved since the introduction of Habbo Hotel. It starts off with a really typical conversation between any generic guy you would meet online and any generic girl you would meet online. The guy wants sex and the girl leads him on. They meet up and discover that she’s 14 and he’s wise beyond his years. So he’s clearly a pedophile with enough self restraint to come across as being relatively normal. She is a 14 year old girl who acts like she’s 19. Unless that’s just how girls are these days.. As someone who is not a registered sex offender, I cannot confirm or deny this.
She really doesn’t act like she’s 14. It’s disturbing for so many reasons. Yet there are a couple of moments where her age is clearly visible. If you ignore the voice and her physique. He is 32 and becomes increasingly more terrifying when he has glasses on. He’s also apparently a total lightweight because 2 glasses of orange Tang and he was on the floor. Meanwhile, she’s stripping on the couc- oh, wait. This is a plot twist! It appears the predator has become the…predated? Prey! That’s the word. Oh, she’s quite the young whipper snapper. Wait till you see this part.
I was worried about the direction this was headed towards, but she just completely turned this movie around. He’s remaining relatively calm given the fact that he is currently tied to a chair and cannot even call for help. She’s just verbally destroying this guy. It’s amazing. I’m really not sure where this movie is going to go at this point though. If she’s going to kill him, it’s taking an awkward amount of time. If she plans on letting him go, it’s taking even longer. It’s crazy how well prepared she is for this encounter. And how quickly the intensity picks up. He does not look pleased. He’s also sweating a lot.
3-19-89 is important to remember. She’s quite the detective. And he’s still tied to a chair. Oh, he kind of escaped by assaulting a minor. Smart. Too bad she’s like the wind. Or maybe she’s invisible. Now that would be a twist. She’s giving him the Black Christmas attic treatment. If you haven’t seen the movie, it basically involves saran wrap and some patience. Nevermind. She has to send an email first. Every time she says “castrate” a part of me shudders. I won’t mention which part, though. He just swallowed bleach. That cannot be safe. She’s also using ice and vodka to numb and sterilize him before she cuts off his manly parts. How thoughtful.
I think she’s going to avoid the whole castration thing. But it’s just so hard to tell. Oh, no, she’s definitely going to do it. She has some type of medical or cook book to help. I really hope they don’t show anything; The audio is painful enough. I won’t even mention the part when she puts his testicles down the garburator. Yeah.
Was it all a dream? Where did she get that taser from? So many questions are going unanswered and her hyper-casualness is alarming. I’m pretty sure one of the characters is from Degrassi. Or ER. Or Grey’s Anatomy. One of those shows that I’ve never actually watched so this description is useless. She’s also really nosy or just really good at interrogating
So that ended abruptly. Okay, well, all in all…That was interesting. Really cool concept that took a sudden turn. I liked it and it’s worth watching. It’s not exactly horror, but it’s actually a good, suspenseful and violent movie. But don’t read any of this if you wanted to watch this movie instead. You can let us know your thoughts by connecting with us on Facebook though!
