I saw this movie after going a couple of weeks without even hearing about it. That, or I managed to somehow completely forget that a new horror movie was out there. Which is disappointing by my standards…Here’s what I thought of it in the form of a vague and confusing Things I Fear Movie Review of The Conjuring.
So the movie starts off with a terrifying story about a doll that is possessed. That doll causes people some discomfort until it is ultimately removed by a husband/wife team of ghostbusters. That doll becomes important at various points in the movie (Editors Note: and late a sequel!). As do the dynamic married duo. Anyway, so the opening scene is actually a video that a classroom of confused students is watching. They ask some questions and then a family moves into a new house that a dog refuses to enter. Sex is implied and then the dog dies. Those points are not related.
The clock stops at 3:07 (not quite 3:15, but close enough to write this) and then spooky things happen around the house. The children play a hide-and-seek game where they are supposed to clap at each other. (This is actually an important fact. I’m not just pointing this out for no reason). Then one of the many children sees a ghost and is upset. And the youngest child finds a creepy toy. And then the dad goes on a business trip or something and the rest of the family is menaced. Creepy things happen at this point; there are a lot of jumpy scenes that I smiled and laughed at because I’m so jaded.
It’s at this point that the family calls upon the services of the only married paranormal combatants. So they show up and are intrigued by what’s going on. It’s much more exciting than their otherwise dull, paranormal-filled lives. Oh, and that doll lives in a glass box. I should have mentioned that before.
So they show up and realize they are clearly facing more evil than they thought. They do some research, a clock stops working, a woman is hanging in a tree, and the county sheriff sees a maid with slit wrists. All of this happens over a longer period of time than just 3 seconds, don’t worry. Then things really escalate and there is a creepy woman. Someone is possessed, a car is missing a carburetor, a necklace is given, a sassy Asian guy contributes to quite possibly the absolute worst scripted line is introduced (seriously. You will know EXACTLY what I’m referring to), and then everything is okay.
The Conjuring is okay. It’s not worth all of the hype it’s getting on IMDB, Facebook or Rotten Tomatoes. But it’s pretty good. Maybe I will adapt a star rating system to actually give a somewhat comparable review.. Anyway, go see this movie if you are looking for something scary to see.
Editors Note: I take back everything. I love this movie. So don’t read this The Conjuring Movie Review as it does not do it justice at all.
