Okay, so first of all, you know how some movies claim to be “found footage”? Or how some movies are basically just reenactments of something that happened in real life? This movie barely counts as that criteria. This one is equal parts based entirely on a true event but also barely accurate. Did people get locked in a sauna? Yes. Did it happen the way they depicted it did? Well…it certainly wouldn’t have made for nearly as riveting content had they followed the article on page 9 of the that one local newspaper to the letter. We’re going to learn all about that and more (okay, not more) in this 247°F Movie Review thanks to Things I Fear. Fans of heat and very small spaces, rejoice!
Like any movie that is based on a single room that is getting above-average in temperature, there is little need for character development. Yet, they chose to give a backstory of one character that had little-to-no impact on the actual plot. Her fiancé died in a motor vehicle crash several years ago. This led her to enter a sauna with her friends. The only real overlap is the fact she has some anxiety-related issues. But who doesn’t? Besides, being locked in an oven would make anyone uncomfortable. Hansel and Gretel told us all about that in that classic story about a witch, a wardrobe, and a sauna.
So the friends are getting themselves ready for a weekend full of drinking, steam, and general debauchery. They have travelled all the way to a family cottage to get away from their lives and enjoy some down time. There is talk of exploring the city, seeing the sights and sounds, and, naturally, the decision is made to enter the sauna together. From here, one of their friends leaves presumably to get more alcohol but likely for the sake of advancing the plot. And advance the plot it does. Did anyone else read that last part like Yoda? Full disclosure: I’ve never seen Star Wars but I assume that’s one of his catch phrases.
Things start heating up in the sauna when the remaining friends realize they cannot open the door. First order of business: disable that pesky thermometer that’s letting them know how hot it is inside the sauna. Just like with any threat, if you cannot see it, then it cannot see you. If it works for Slender Man, it should work for a thermometer. Now that the device which simply displays the temperature is out of the way, it’s time to resort to cannibalism and/or 3rd-degree burns by wrestling with the natural gas line. These efforts are before and after attempts to contact the outside world and to simply open the door to the sauna. I forgot to mention that when the one friend left the room, it resulted in the door getting jammed because of a horribly placed item. The item falls in literally the most perfectly horrible spot to jam the door. It’s like it was designed for that purpose and then placed on the perfect angle to ensure calamity.
After some tense moments, some dream-like scenarios that make you question what is real and why you’re still watching the movie, it essentially wraps itself up nicely where everyone feels bad about what happened and then we find out it all worked in the end. More or less. Pretty sure someone died but who has the time to remember details like that when there is a 247°F Movie Review to write?
247°F: Final Thoughts
There are at least 247 movies I would recommend watching before you watch this one. Or better yet, just read the IMDB page of what actually took place. I really hope there is a sequel though where there is no real story to reference. Or better yet, there actually is a second story of these people going back into the sauna and then they make a movie of it. Either way, I wouldn’t recommend you watch it but I will write about it.
