Spoiler alert: There will be spoilers in this Barbarian Movie Review. Mostly because spoilers make the world go flat (or round, whatever you believe) but also because this movie has been out long enough that you really should know it by now. If I’m spoiling anything by saying this is sort of a 3-in-1 movie, then you need to get out more. Or stay in more. You need to watch more movies and read more Things I Fear Movie Reviews in general too. Or you can start your own business, completely neglect your Blog and corresponding Social Media pages, and devote all of your time and effort to that instead. That’s what I did! And if you want to go check out what I actually do for a living, you can learn more about my Digital Marketing & Advertising business by clicking the text that’s in a different colour than the rest of this paragraph. What a completely organic way for me to self-promote myself that was!
Anyway, let’s dive into this Barbarian Movie Review before I get too far off-topic. That’s more of a paragraph three thing.
Okay, so the basic premise of this movie is there’s something going on in the basement of a house. The house is located in a less-than-ideal neighbour which your real estate agent may otherwise refer to as ‘up-and-coming’. We don’t really get to see the full impact of how creepy, abandoned, and otherwise horrifying the area is right away, but all is revealed later. I won’t spoil those details in this paragraph, don’t worry. So the main character shows up expecting to be staying in an Airbnb-type of house (they are not currently a sponsor so this is not an ad) only to find that someone else is currently staying in the very house she rented. Spooky! The fellow already inside seems creepy but is innocent in all of their future endeavours until he is killed. Spoiler alert. He was not the main reason for panic in this movie anyway. That distinction belongs to the woman who lives in the secret basement. See? Just another reason to stay out of the basement. So she lives down there and has created a nice little nest for herself. It takes quite a while for the main character(s) to actually discover her and the first part of the movie is really just setting the tone and making you think things are heading in one direction until it moves in a different. It’s well done!
After what seems like the main guy is killed, the second part of the 3-in-1 movie begins. We are introduced to that guy who was in the movie Accepted. Pretty sure that’s him. Or maybe he is that guy from The Replacements? That actually might be the Matrix guy. This level of research and stream of conscious writing is exactly why people love Things I Fear. Anyway, so that guy is introduced and he’s in some legal trouble. Naturally, he flees the State to go check on a property he owns in Detroit. That’s the very house where the main actor from part 1 is currently residing! Well, less so residing and more so held captive by a horrifying in-bred creature believing her to be her baby. It’s creepier than that, but that’s a decent enough spoiler to set the mood. Oh right, spoiler alert on that last part. So he goes there and also decides to explore the basement as this newly discovered square footage could increase the property value. When will people learn?
There’s a nice little flashback to the 1980s to provide a bit more context of why this house exists, and what the creature is in the basement, and also helps set up a sort of twist of who else is living down there too. This flashback is basically part 3 of the movie. From here, we jump back into the present time as the now 2 captives are making their escape together. The super creepy, dark pathways in the basement area are only illuminated by phone flashlights. The tape measure scene was easily my favourite part of the whole movie too. It’s such an easy way to take a recognizable sound and make it super creepy. Loved it. Anyway, this is around the time in the movie when we are reminded of the “no good deed goes unpunished” expression. When a homeless man helps you escape the clutches of a monster and the police do not take you seriously, you do not go back and help the jerk who’s trapped downstairs with Ms. Basement Creature. I don’t know what kids are learning in school these days, but this has to be more practical knowledge than trigonometry. Let’s see you escape her clutches by determining cos & tan, professor.
Barbarian: Final Thoughts
So you’re probably wondering when this Barbarian Movie Review will be over and how it all ends. Let me get to that part for you. It all works out in the end courtesy of an impromptu swan dive off of a very tall building & the power of the gun. Is that really a resolution? Sure. Does the movie just end this way without any other context, suspenseful build-up, or additional character development via situations and/or dialogue? I’m sure there was a little more to it than that over the course of around 2 hours but this was a nice summary that barely ruined everything. So you can still go watch and enjoy it! Let me know what you thought of Barbarian on Social Media or you can send me an email here. That’s always fun.
