Neither IT nor IT Chapter 2 was particularly good. While the first movie was “meh” the second movie can be equated to opening a box of Lucky Charms and ignoring the marshmallows entirely. IT Chapter 2 encapsulates the “what’s the point?” angle that often plagues Horror Movies. But specifically sequels. While answering questions no one was asking, being super progressive for little-to-no relevancy to the plot, and otherwise being less about Pennywise and more about a backstory you struggle to piece together, IT Chapter 2 truly has something for everyone. Assuming everyone wants garbage. But I don’t want to reveal too many of my thoughts before really diving into this IT Chapter 2 Movie Review. That’s what paragraph two is for.
I just watched this movie last night and I already forget half of it. I had to re-read the Things I Fear Community-Submitted IT Review to remind myself of the actual storyline. Which did not really help in this case. The movie starts off with the return of everyone’s favourite killer clown (okay top 3 favourites at least) who doesn’t have a line for the first 45 minutes. Seriously. Imagine watching Lord of The Rings and not hearing from the wizard guy who puts the spell on the ring or whatever until hour 4. I’m not sure why I used an analogy for something I know nothing about but you get it.
One-by-one the kids reunited to get the band back together for one more adventure to save the world no one is aware is in danger. Phone calls reveal a bit about each of their new lives but are never mentioned again. They meet up at a restaurant and we are introduced to the plot by way of fortune cookie fever dream. The way every movie should start.
A convicted crazy person is able to escape from an asylum due to an unfortunate balloon-popping incident. This results in the probable death of at least one male nurse. It’s 2021, people, men can be nurses too. There is also a basically unexplained scene where a zombie is driving a car. Remember that from the 1st one? All the zombie valets? So this deranged killer is on the loose for about 15 minutes before he is cast aside like so many other subplots which add little to the storyline. Meanwhile, Pennywise is proving his relevancy to the movie by eating 1 child with no further reference. A second child is potentially eaten later but that may have also been a dream. I want to make a joke about the monetary implications of a low-budget Pennywise but I can’t find a good punchline.
Mercifully, there are a few scenes which allow you to remember who is who from the first one. Did I mention this movie takes place 27 years later so the kids are all grown up? Probably should have explained that part. The kid from Stranger Things grows up to become Bill Hader. Spoiler alert. That’s the only person I recognized. Though I think one of the other adults might be the guy from Split. Is Split technically a Horror Movie? It was a pretty good movie. Must have been a really tough role to play with all those distinct personalities, accents, and movements. Is it a bad idea to just start talking about a different movie in the middle of this IT Chapter 2 Movie Review?
So the grown-up version of the kids drink a magic potion, get menaced for a few minutes, escape into the sewers, and engage in a battle royale with a shape-shifting clown that could have been defeated with some moderate bullying. This could have taken place in roughly 20 minutes rather than the agonizing, nearly 3 hours this cinematic snooze dragged on for. In the end, glasses are discovered at the bottom of the lake and an embrace between two adults who forgot they were in love takes place. Moral of the story: you get the girl when you lose enough weight and then defeat a clown. I think that’s what they were going for.
IT Chapter 2 Final Thoughts:
While this IT Chapter 2 Movie Review was a five-star performance, the actual movie was not. But don’t read this review if you haven’t seen it yet as it might skew your opinion. Of course, if you have seen it, you can share your thoughts across relevant Social Media platforms where I am known to inconsistently interact. I did not like this movie. There was only one good part which was either the irony or the beautiful foreshadowing of this recurring joke about how everyone hates the endings from the one novel-writing guy. They all hate his endings. They comment on how everything is good until the end. Which is sort of like how this Review ends. But this is better. Don’t watch this movie.
