Just to be clear: this post is not necessarily suggesting you have a Fear of looking at, being in the same room with, or Fearing the very existence of Chopsticks, per se. More so that you have a Fear of needing to use Chopsticks in a public or even private setting. I understand the potential confusion here so wanted to address that nice and early. With all formalities out of the way, let’s talk about Fear of Chopsticks.
Consecotaleophobia: Fear of Chopsticks
Isn’t it weird when a Fear you didn’t actually think would exist already has a name? Yes, Consecotaleophobia, much like Fear of Zombies or Fear of Clowns have scientific names because they are so common. If you thought you were the only one horrified of two wooden or plastic sticks used to help with food consumption, you are not alone. Which would be particularly tragic if you also had a Fear of Being Alone. Really makes you appreciate how small the world truly is when people can relate to one another in even the most seemingly unrelatable ways, right? Speaking of appreciating, I would appreciate it if you Followed Things I Fear on Facebook and shared with your friends. Following on Instagram would be nice too but who has the time to maintain both channels? But enough sappy stuff, let’s talk about chopsticks. That’s almost a pun because chopsticks can be made of wood and wood can contain sap and puns are way funnier when you have to explain them.
Chopsticks are great tools for things beyond just eating. There’s no time to list everything else they can do, so let’s just focus on the food part. Imagine walking into a restaurant while on a date with that special someone you met on a live support chat online when your order for season 6 of Friends didn’t arrive. They already know so much about you but you’re eager to impress them with your ability to consume lunch. Naturally, you decide to bring your own chopsticks. The waiter then brings you your order: a glass of water and a 12oz steak. Your move.
Getting a Grip on Fear of Chopsticks
The original design for chopsticks was meant to be a stick with four prongs on the top to help spear your food. Unfortunately, another utensil already owned a patent on this so chopsticks had to settle for being just a vertical stick. There was talk of adding a curvature element to the top of the stick to aid with eating soup, but this was quickly shot down as liquid had not yet been invented. There was, however, a need to eat smaller food items with something finger-like that weren’t actually fingers. Thus, the chopstick was formed. This history lesson has not yet been verified but edits to the Wikipedia page are currently pending.
Thankfully, there is a really easy way to get over your Fear of Chopsticks. And no, it doesn’t necessarily involve playing that one piano song we all grew up learning. But that can help. And no, it’s not simply denying its existence at all. The easiest way to get over your Fear of Chopsticks is to tie a set of chopsticks to your hands using rubber bands. Stay like this for 10-48 weeks. Complete everyday activities such as driving, washing the windows, and, of course, eating. Eventually you won’t even realize you’re using them at all and thus you will be cured. If it worked for Edward and his Fear of Scissors, it should work for you too. Maybe they’ll even make a movie about it!
