When you picture something that makes children happy, clowns do technically check off a lot of the boxes. They are colourful, energetic, make a living through slapstick humour, and wear comically large shoes. Of course, clowns are also downright creepy and should never be left unattended with children. It’s a weird paradox but it makes for a great post about Fear of Clowns.
Unmasking Your Fear of Clowns
Also known as Coulrophobia, having a Fear of Clowns is abnormally common. It’s a lot like having a Fear of Small Spaces, having a Fear of Snakes or having a Fear of Starbucks. In fact, 1 in 3 people will encounter a clown in their life and the other 2 people are thankful it wasn’t them. Clowns are horrific creatures who paint their faces a ghostly white, wear large red noses they already had on standby, dress in exuberant and flamboyant clothing, and produce animals from inflatable latex. On the surface, what’s not to like about clowns? But that’s just how they get you.
Calling someone a clown usually means they have done something incorrect or stupid. This might result in some further name-calling or passive-aggressive eyebrow raising. Calling someone a clown can also be acknowledgement of a career choice. Many people choose a life of general clownage by donning a wig, having pies hurled towards their faces, and muttering obscenities under their breath. All the while, parents usher their children to the other side of the road. It’s a thankless job but a necessary cog in the machine of the economy.
While some clowns bring a positive, high-energy atmosphere while exuding a general sense of relaxation by watching their antics, other clowns create chaos in the world by committing crimes. These clowns enjoy crawling through sewers and luring children into their catacombs. They enjoy things like standing in forests and chasing after people late at night while cloaked in traditional clown attire. Really creepy stuff.
Graduate Fear of Clowns School
First of all, yes, there are actually specific schools to become a clown. Most graduates either end up working at carnivals for the rest of their lives or become CEOs of fortune-500 companies with plenty of free time to clown around. Notable graduates from clown school are Homer Simpson, John Wayne Gacy and the clown from the movie IT. At least 2 of those alumni who would go on to become serial killers. That’s not to suggest all clowns do terrible things, but you probably wouldn’t exactly feel comfortable if it was 11pm, you were riding the bus alone and then a clown got on at the next stop and parked his squeaky shoes right next to you.
The most important thing to realize about clowns is they are normal, everyday people who are just wearing a deafening amount of make-up and prefer the presence of screaming children rather than having intellectual conversations with other adults. There is definitely nothing weird about that at all.
