Any guy out there is more than likely familiar with the concept of Fear of the Urinal Situation. I’m not sexist so girls can be familiar with the concept, too. However, for the most part, only gentlemen of the male race are afflicted by it. Basically, the Urinal Situation refers to going to a public washroom where the distance between men occupying the urinals produces an awkward situation because you aren’t sure where to stand. For example: There are 7 urinals. Man 1 is at the first urinal, man 2 is at the third, man 3 is at the fifth, and man 4 is at the seventh. Where do you stand? Regardless of your choice, you are going to be uncomfortably close to someone who is going to feel just as uncomfortable. The only thing worse would be having this moment be the one where you recognize an old friend of yours and you feel compelled to shake their hand. Choosing not to use the urinal could be seen as an insult to the other men who are currently relieving themselves vis-a-vis public washrooms. Furthermore, standing perfectly still behind the men while you patiently wait your turn might cause everyone to feel just a little bit concerned for their well being.
Standing A Little Too Close to Your Fear of the Urinal Situation
Fear of the Urinal Situation may or may not be a situation that can affect women. I haven’t spent nearly enough time in a women’s washroom to confirm or deny that statement. I’m assuming there are no urinals in the women’s washroom, but you really can never be too sure about the ladies. Right, fellas? Besides, women have enough to deal with so it’s only fair men have to endure this one.
This public display of awkwardness doesn’t apply solely to the catacombs of the male washroom. It is a situation that can spread to almost any social interaction where the space that needs to be occupied doesn’t match up with the number of people who wish to occupy the space. For example: Getting on the bus. You could sit down awkwardly next to a complete stranger and try to strike up a conversation about the lovely weather or the impending doom on society from cataclysmic events such as fire raining down from the sky or the return of the bubonic plague. But realistically, who would want to talk about the weather? If you don’t sit down next to someone who is strategically placed beside an empty seat, it could be a metaphorical slap in the face. Or physical. They might be really offended.
Flushing Away Your Fear of the Urinal Situation
So the question remains: What do you do when you are in a social situation that requires you to sit/stand/shuffle/perch next to someone where you have to be awkwardly close? Here’s a timeless example that has been captured through the use of internet memes and campfire stories: You walk into a public washroom and the urinal situation has reared its ugly head. Only now it is worse. Much worse. There are 5 urinals. Man 1 is at urinal one. Man 2 is at urinal 4. Thus leaving 2, 3, and 5 available. However, no matter where you stand you will be beside someone. Zugzwang.