I have no idea what possessed me to write this. Probably because I was watching a re-run of Friends last night and it made me think of that terrible move Leprechaun starring Jennifer Aniston as a painfully oblivious girl who meets the local Leprechaun because a mentally-challenged kid opens a chest that the Leprechaun was locked away in because the man who put him there had a stroke while burning the house down. I really wish I was joking about the plot. Anyways, here are the 5 Signs That You Might be a Leprechaun. If you have any of these, there are about 6 movies in the Leprechaun franchise so they are always looking for a reason to make a 7th. Please don’t help them.
5. Way Too Irish – There’s a fine line between being Irish and being a leprechaun. As someone who is at least 1/72 Irish, I can get away with saying that. People who are legitimately Irish don’t need to be concerned with being/becoming a leprechaun, however. It’s the people who THINK they are Irish because they can do a terrible accent that sounds like a mix between British and someone from Somalia. Much like the villain from the Leprechaun series. This also includes people who wear a shirt that says “Kiss me I’m Irish” at least 4 days a week.
4. Wearing an Uncomfortable Amount of Green – I’m not talking about wearing green socks or that splotch of green that you can’t seem to get to come off your shirt no matter how many times you wash it and you ask your friends what to do about it but no one seems to know so it eventually just becomes a defining characteristic of who you are. I’m talking about wearing green from head-to-toe every single day so you basically just look like a pillar of moss.
3. Obsession With Pots of Gold – Everyone likes gold, don’t get me wrong. But anyone who either carries around a large pot of it or who stores it underneath rainbows is bordering on the side of leprechaun-ism. If you are constantly counting your gold and snarling at anyone who even looks at it, then you just might be a leprechaun. Or you have rabies.
2. You Are Between 6 Inches and 4 Feet Tall – Babies and people who physically can’t grow any taller are excluded from this. Everyone else is fair game. This is usually a good indication that someone is a leprechaun because what else are they going to do with their lives?
1. You Are a Leprechaun – If you have made it to the bottom of this list and thought “okay, great, none of these apply” only to find out that this one describes you perfectly then you might have some serious denial issues that need to be worked out.
Fun Fact: Leprechauns were originally depicted to wear red. Not green. NOW YOU KNOW.
