I’d be crazy to write about Fear of Dogs and leave cats behind in the proverbial dust, drawn up from the sandboxes they excavate their bowels into. Especially when cats offer just as much to be afraid of as dogs too. They still have teeth, claws and the ability to hold a grudge for seemingly no reason, but now they come in fun sizes!

Fear of Cats: The Perrrrrect Fear

Cats have been around since roughly the dawn of time. Throughout their years of being the head of the household, whether you want to admit it or not, they have learned a thing or two about how to show a complete lack of interest in everything you say or do until you fill their bowls with dehydrated lamb intestines and artificial chicken flavoured pellets. They have adapted to life both in the country, where they can bring plague-infested rodents to your farmhouse doorsteps as well as life in the big city where they can bring plague-infested rodents to your condo doorsteps. Yes, that often involves the ability to not only walk past the concierge and use the elevator, but to first slaughter another breathing creature.

In an effort to inform society about the incredibly real dangers involved in letting a cat into your home, an informative documentary called Cats was developed. This has since been adopted as an entertaining musical performance involving some familiar household tunes. Still the message was clear. Unfortunately, this also created a great opportunity for the development of animated movies involving talking cats which actually increased the desire for people to welcome cats into their homes. Though no study will ever show the raw numbers, cat-related deaths have tripled in the past 15 years. You can bet your whiskers on that.

The Nine Lives of Fear of Cats

So why do we still adopt cats as members of our homes? Is it because they nuzzle against our arms, lick our faces and fall asleep while purring on our laps? Is it their soft coats rubbing softly against our legs, welcoming us home after a long day of work? No. It’s because cats were raised to be respected and Feared by Egyptians many years ago and they still wear that badge of self-righteousness. They literally had humans constructing massive stone monuments to remind everyone cats were the stronger species. Plus if you tick them off enough they’ll scratch your eyes out.