Mice are often referred to as rats. Both of which are vermin. Vermin are basically anything that eats whatever they want and live under the floorboards of your house. Yes, as you are reading this right now, there is more than likely at least one mouse beneath your feet. And you thought it was probably safe to just stay indoors all the time. Some people actually want to keep mice as pets. Those people clearly don’t have a Fear of Mice. Or at least are not aware there are other pets to be had like dogs, cats, or opossums. You know, the normal pets that don’t try to eat you.
Burrowing Into Your Fear of Mice
Mice are so small. They are able to squeeze their entire bodies through even the smallest openings. They are so small they aren’t even part of any food chain. Usually, the fish eats the worm, the raccoon eats the fish, the bear eats the raccoon, and humans kill the bear for fun. Circle of life. So where does the mouse fit into the equation? For that reason alone, mice are basically pointless. However, they do a great job of carrying diseases and spreading said diseases by nibbling on the food in your cupboards. Next time you go to pour yourself a bowl of your favourite frosted sugar O’s, make sure you take a look for mice floating in your bowl. It might just be the difference between diabetes and leprosy. You can thank me later.
Rats are similar to mice in all aspects except they are larger and have no choice but to gnaw on metal objects to prevent their teeth from growing to absurd lengths. Seriously, that’s actually a thing. If a rat isn’t chewing on something, its teeth will keep on growing until they are basically just a walrus. I might be oversimplifying that. Where do walruses fit in the food chain, you might be asking? Well, most walruses live in the arctic. They have a different food chain there. Science hasn’t quite figured it out yet but they know it involves frozen tundra and Fear of Mice posts that completely go off the rails by the 3rd paragraph. Oh and if your power ever goes out it’s probably because a mouse was eating the wires. Also, what’s the deal with mice poop? It’s 2020 and they haven’t heard of indoor plumbing? Seeing an abundance of mice poop in an area in which there is typically little-to-no mice poop is a strong indication you have a mouse living nearby.
Fear of Mice & Men (mostly the mice part)
So why do people have a Fear of Mice? Yes, mice usually find their way into homes where they are unwanted. 9 times out of 10, this leads to scurrying them out the door with a broom after a few minutes of high-pitched screeching. However, at least 10% of the time situations like this blossom into friendships where the mouse lives under your hat and allows you to cook exquisite French cuisine. But are mice really that bad? They are like smaller versions of squirrels. Have you ever heard of someone having a Fear of Squirrels? No, because that’s ridiculous. Fear of Jell-O, on the other hand, now that makes sense. The next time you see a mouse chewing on your loaf of bread, consider adopting it as a pet. You can pick it up, scratch under its chin, nuzzle your face against it, and then perform an at-home test for the bubonic plague.
Do you have a Fear of Mice? Let me know in the comments or across all relevant social media channels like Facebook and occasionally even Instagram. But who has time for Social Media when there is so much else to do in the world right now? Like…
