There is no reason to Fear an entire season. That’s absurd. Unless you are afraid of the heat from the Summer sun bearing down on you. Or the thought of doing any type of yard work in either the Spring or Fall terrifies you. Having a Fear of a season is silly. Unless that Fear happens to be about the most bone-chilling season of them all. The one season where madness is lurking around every corner. A Fear slipping on the ice as it approaches you with frost-bitten fingers. With that being said, let’s dive into why having a Fear of Winter makes complete sense.
Why Does Fear of Winter Happen Every Year?
Winter is an annual tradition dictated by our calendars to signify a point in the year when animals have to go into hiding, plant life withers and dies, and the roads become an endless source of chaos. Having a Fear of Winter usually starts with the realization that your collection of artisanal jorts needs to be stowed away and replaced with a series of balaclavas that can make even the most hardened of criminals look like a schoolyard toddler. Or vice versa. Once this realization happens, it’s a slippery slope (pun most definitely intended) to needing to cover yourself in 14 layers just to be able to go outside and get the morning paper. Remember newspapers? You know, that thing you throw in the garbage because it’s 2020 and the news is on your phone? What an age we live in.
Much like anything subzero, winter is cold. When given the choice between freezing to death or sipping on a cup of hot chocolate by a fireplace, most people would agree that a hot beverage is the safer option. The sad reality is that winter is responsible for more winter-related deaths than any other season. Death by snowball, death by falling into a hole in a not-quite-frozen lake, and death by suburban avalanche of Uggs are just some of the snow-related reasons to have a Fear of Winter. Sometimes your car won’t start if it’s really cold! Also, Santa is involved.
Warming Up to a Fear of Winter
Despite the many, obvious reasons why it’s best to just stay indoors and hibernate rather than go outside and face the elements, winter really isn’t that bad. You can do things like snowboard with your friends. Or go skiing alone because your friends are snowboarding. Or even spend hours of your life shovelling an endless amount of snow from your driveway and ultimately pull a muscle in your back which causes you to fall over and become buried alive in the very snow pile you just created in a sad twist of frosty irony. The good news is winter eventually gives way to warmer weather which is something to look forward to. Of course, warmer weather also means winter will soon follow. Ugh. Winter.
Haven’t had a chance to organically plug the latest Things I Fear content in a while so it’s going at the bottom of this post. Surprise! If you forgot about submitting to mass commercialism this holiday season, give the belated gift of a Things I Fear book and put food on the table for me. Those things aren’t related. Buy a book but if you can also cook a meal for me that would be great.
